Wednesday, November 11, 2020

Thoughts on Veterans Day 2020

Lackland Graduation
It's been 33 years since I stepped off the plane in San Antonio, and onto the bus heading for Lackland Air Force Base, and the most shocking night of my life up to that point. I was 20 years old, married just a little over a year and a half, and a fairly new Dad with a daughter who had not yet celebrated her first birthday. When we arrived and got off the bus, we were greeted by a couple of human pit bulls wearing campaign hats, and metal taps on the soles of their shoes. I can still hear those echoing taps as they circled and yelled, circled and yelled. That night, one of the pit bulls circled our dorm in the dark, tapping and yelling, as I tried to lay still and invisible as possible. I wondered to myself, "what have I gotten myself into?"

The Air Force seemed like an escape from the trap I found myself in. I'd jumped into adulthood so early in my life, and was starting to realize that my early decisions came with barriers attached. I pondered the things I would not be able to do. I thought, "well, I guess college is out of the question now." I could see myself living paycheck to paycheck for the rest of my life, and I wanted more for my family. I had high hopes that the Air Force would provide a way.

After basic training, it started to feel like I made the right decision. I was sent to Goodfellow Air Force Base in San Angelo, Texas, and began my technical training to become an Imagery Interpreter. The job fell under the umbrella of Air Force Intelligence, and was unlike anything I'd ever done before. I fell right into the career field, and loved the tedious nature of it. I know that might sound odd, but I've always been drawn to tedious, and solitary pursuits. Now you might be able to better understand just how it is that I have found literally thousands of shark teeth fossils, and learned, and forgotten, hundreds of songs on guitar. 

May 1993 - University of Nebraska at Omaha
After graduation, we moved to a town just South of Omaha, Nebraska, and I started my Air Force career in earnest as an Airman First Class at the Headquarters for Strategic Air Command, Offutt Air Force Base. Seasons came and went, our second child, Marcus, was born, and I started taking night classes at the University of Nebraska at Omaha. They held classes on base, so I would often go to the bowling alley after work, grab a coffee and some mentos, or a bran muffin, and study until time for the three hour class to start.  Five years of long days, and occasional little interruptions like Operation Desert Storm, and I found myself standing in line to receive my diploma.

OTS Graduation - Sep 1995

We spent six years at Offutt before I was selected as an instructor in the very same course I'd graduated from just six years before back in San Angelo. A year and a half later, and I was on my way to Montgomery, Alabama, as an officer candidate. Suddenly, I  found myself with nerves on end just like I'd felt eight years earlier. 90 days later, and I drove out of the base gate wearing the gold bars of a second lieutenant. Where to now? Well, back to San Angelo of course. I stayed in the Intelligence career field, and attended a six month officer intel course. After that, I was asked to stay on as an instructor in the very same course. It was during this time that our third child, Nathan, was born, and I found my first professional weekend gig as a guitar player at the Cactus Cafe. I was paid with a delicious sandwich of my choice, and my audiences sometimes included students from my classes.

I made first lieutenant and was selected as the Chief of Targets for the JSTARS aircraft at Robins Air Force Base near Macon, Georgia. These were some of the most trying days of our lives. We were beginning to understand the depth of the challenges of our son's, Marcus's, autism. He would not sleep, so neither did we. The move had been so stressful for him, and he just couldn't handle it...neither could we. I asked if there was a way for the Air Force to move us closer to family in the hopes that we might get some help. A process was started, and in time we were able to move to Charleston. 

My three years at Charleston saw me attain the rank of Captain, and deploy to Europe in support of Operation Enduring Freedom after 911. After that, I managed to stay in Charleston by becoming an Assistant Professor of Aerospace Studies at The Citadel, During my time at The Citadel, I was selected to the rank of Major, and enjoyed four years in what I consider easily my favorite assignment of my Air Force career.

Promotion to Major  at the Citadel
My last assignment found me as the Director of Intelligence for the Air Force District of Washington in D.C. What an amazing position, and assignment for someone wanting the next promotion, or to get a foot in the door of the Washington Intelligence Community. As part of my job, I attended multi agency meetings and working groups at the Pentagon, the National Counter Terrorism Center, and various other locations in the D.C. area, and that afforded me access to some areas and information I'd never knew existed, or ever thought I'd see. The two star General I worked for even told me in so many words what an opportunity it offered...but not for me. I'd left my family in the Charleston area due to Marcus's inability to handle moving again. As soon as I met my 20 year requirement for retirement, I petitioned that same General to help me retire, so I could get back to my family in South Carolina. He came through for me, and my old team at The Citadel put on a nice retirement ceremony in the beautiful Summerall Chapel.

It's been 13 years now since I last wore the uniform of an active duty military man, and I find that I very seldom speak of my military career. When folks thank me for my service, I fight a little feeling of embarrassment. I always say that I received far more than I ever had to give, and I joke that discount Riverdogs Baseball tickets is all I ask. Truthfully, I did give a lot of myself to the role. I call it a role, because it never came naturally to me, and I always felt exhausted after playing the role for extended periods. I always knew that I was a musician at heart, and not really a military man. I often thought of, and identified closely with,  the line from Dan Folgeberg's "Leader of the Band," where he described his father as, "a quiet man of music, denied a simpler fate; he tried to be a soldier once, but his music wouldn't wait."

End of a Career - 2007
Well, my music would wait...for 20 years, and I do count the cost of that, but what a small price to pay when I reflect on the honor of serving the same nation bought with the blood and treasure of giants. I'll never measure up in my mind to those giants, but I suppose I did the best a musician could do playing such a role so foreign to my own nature for so long. I gave a speech at a graduation ceremony once, and I had in hand a Farmer's Almanac from 1800. I peeled open the fragile pages and read General Henry Lee's Eulogy from George Washington's funeral held just one month prior to the printing of those pages.  He referred to Washington as, "our Bulwark in War," and referred to his heroic service at Valley Forge, and the daring icy crossing of the Potomac. The reverence that defined his oration moved me, and made even taller the legend of the man in my mind. Some evenings during that last year of my career. I'd leave work, and I could see the lights illuminating the capitol dome in the distance across the Potomac as I made my way across the parking lot, and I'd think back on that speech and on his words. Not only was I serving in the city that bore his name, but I was serving the very same nation that he, and so many patriots whose white stones flow for acres just a few miles away, toiled to establish. When I think on such things, I feel unworthy. The only suitable response, for my part anyway, to the words, "thank you for your service," is that it was an indescribable honor to serve."